I got lost for a while. I’m amazed that my computer still remembered this blog because I don’t remember my own user name and password anymore. Hopefully it will just keep me logged in forever. So, the past several months has been — somewhat eventful. Moved to an awesome new (old) house, renting for a while some can take time to find our next home. The new place is a great old house, beautiful hardwood floors, fireplace, vintage details - it suits us nicely & already feels so much cozier than the last place. The kids are adjusting pretty well. Christmas came and went in a snap. Still organizing a few house things &planning to ditch a lot of stuff that we just don’t need anymore. Simplifying. Enjoying my friends, loving my kids, trying new ways to stay on top of the to do list. And taking some time to relax every now and then.
Whoa I think I forgot how to use the Tumblr app because I accidentally unloved some stuff. It was an accident, I still love your stuff & I’ll be loving plenty more stuff soon. Yes it has been a while. I got caught up in a few time suckingTV shows (breaking bad, wow! & Rupaul’s drag race (guilty pleasure) so yeah, there was that. Also have been playing a lot & writing a few songs, which I have yet to share beyond my immediate circle of friends. They’ve been very encouraging & seem to actually like it, but I’m still a huge chicken about playing in public, at least by myself. I need a band, dammit.
So the house hunt is in full force, I’m checking the web every day, driving all over town, calling realtors, getting pre qualified for a home loan, etc…I’ve probably looked at 20 places so far, a couple that were pretty cool, but none that feel like they should be mine. I’m getting a little frantic about finding something soon & have disturbing thoughts of settling for something I won’t like. I guess the number one priority is to get someplace that’s good for the kids, good school districts & all that, but I also want something that’s good for my mental health - that has a good vibe, historic & original elements, no HOA, someplace we can really live and grow in. I’m hoping that place appears -and very soon!
I think Santa must have read my post. I received the final divorce judgement in the mail yesterday, & another big hurdle on the house sale was overcome. What a relief. Now I just need to find a new place for the kids and I to live. Sometimes I think that place should be far far away from here. Sometimes…
Can we just fast forward to Christmas? The house will be sold. We’ll be somewhere new. Ill be divorced. The weather will be cooler. And well, it will the Christmas - the most wonderful time of the year - right?
Must… not…blog…drunk….and so I won’t - Spotify, take me away!
Its been a crazy week with my daughter going back to school, trying to wake up earlier, get lunches packed, get the little one dressed for daycare, get myself ready…it’s hectic. Even when The ex was around, I did most of the kid stuff, morning and evening, while he attended to house chores, cleanup, garbage, etc. Now it’s all me. I think the eldest is developing an appreciation for all that must be done to maintain a household and has begun to take on a few chores that I so appreciate having help with. She actually loves to do laundry. I know, she’ll grow out of it, but it’s glorious to have her help with that. She’s started to take out the trash each week too. Bless that girl. In other news, my marriage should, if all goes well, officially be over on Wednesday. I will be celebrating in a major way next weekend. I can’t wait to get this behind me and move forward.
I know I’ve been a bad blogger, but I’ve been so damn busy! My house is under contract, the house hunt is heating up, school is about to start, I’ve started daily meditation that is helping me to stay sane, have been recording a bunch of original music - things are moving right along (I hope that phrase made you think of the Muppet Movie) It’s all so exciting an scary at the same time, moving into unknown territory, trying to make all the right decisions during some of my kids most impressionable years. Can’t think about it too long or my head will explode. I’m happy to have shifted some stress & angler into music. I’m usually terribly shy about sharing music but have actually played stuff for several friends lately and have heard some very positive responses that have encouraged me to venture forward a bit. It feels really good & I’m so glad to have this outlet.
Not what you think - I am to be officially divorced on August 29th! God bless my attorney for getting it done! Now, if everything else could just fall into place… I need someone to buy my house, need to find a new perfect place for the family, and I’ve got to get some things right in my life - health and happiness. Working on stuff. Meanwhile I had a pretty good weekend. Got to play around with some old and new friends. I love my old friends but I’m getting to know a few new friends lately that I can tell are going to be awesome. Hung out with one of them this weekend & listened to a ton of great music. This, if you know me, is one of my favorite things to do. Just sit and talk and actively listen to & share music. All too often music is in the background - at parties, gatherings, etc. I prefer that it be what the party is about - great music. Lately it has been, as friends are playing & listening together. All of my very best friendships and romances were born out of mutual love of music. It’s a beautiful thing.
Dear soon to be ex-husband:
I’m so thrilled that you have once again decided to go to AA to deal with your little problem with alcohol. It should be a breeze now that you have the unconditional love and support of a woman who may or may not be dealing with your shit a year from now. Surely she loves you just the way you pretend to be - sooner or later she’ll get to know who you really are.
At least you have plenty of time away from your children, so you can focus on working through those 12 steps. I’m sure as long as you load them up with junk food and buy them a few things every other weekend, the kids won’t mind your not calling or visiting in between. They don’t talk much about you anymore anyway. We’ve been a little preoccupied trying to sell the house and get into a new one since I can really no longer afford the mortgage payment after you decided you couldn’t contribute to it anymore. But don’t worry, we’re working hard to keep it nice and pretty so that you’ll get your fair share of the proceeds from its sale.
Your brief text message of apology was touching - really. Of course, it may take a tad more than a text message to unfuck the last decade of your life, especially where your children are concerned. Luckily you married someone far more intelligent than yourself who has and always will protect them as much as possible from your nonsense - hence the divorce. Here’s hoping that you make past the first step this time… but don’t expect a text message of forgiveness anytime soon, asshole.
The gods (& kids & everyone else) have worked against me this week with regard to blogging. On so many occasions, I typed up a few lines only to fall asleep because it was the middle of the night, or am distracted by a screaming kid because the other kid hit them, or my realtor calls and tells me to get out of my house so she can show it…that kind of stuff. Just this evening in fact, after work while the kids were comfortably settled in watching Shaun the Sheep (again), after I had tossed a pizza in the oven and prepared vegetables (multivitamin & DHA gummies - don’t judge!) I sat down for a moment and wrote a few words - literally, like 3 words - well, that did it, they were up, fighting, biting, running to me with complaints and demands. After dinner & baths I wrote a bit more, until the girl child decided it was time for a ballet “show” and insisted that I do her hair and makeup. This didn’t take long but while I was away the tiny one made off with my iPad and erased everything I had written. Stinkers - the both of them.
So again I find myself at a major crossroads and am again stumped by the next in a series of life changing decisions that I alone am responsible for making for my little family unit. Debating between selling and staying in our home, or possibly keeping it and renting it out as an income property. Whatever choice is made will affect our lives in a different way. It’s so hard to know which one is right! Damn these adult decisions!